Today we move into the Stories area of the 5 Core Areas of Transformation, where we work to make breakthroughs and create clarity in communication and relationships. It’s where we find that ‘one big story’ that has been working you, that was born in your past, and never healed.
Were you repeatedly told as a child that you weren’t good enough? Chances you are repeating that “story” to yourself today, and making decisions based on it. And then if you have repeatedly been telling yourself that story, and made many decisions and life moves based on it- the trajectory of the life you were meant to live has gone off course.
Do you feel like you are in a relationship that’s unsupportive? Do you find it difficult to express yourself? It might not have anything to do with who YOU ARE, but instead, WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT TO TELL YOURSLEF, and HOW YOU WERE TAUGHT TO TREAT YOURSELF.
How do we find the starting point of these unconscious patterns, and flip the switch from hurt, to healed; to get you back on track with the life you are here for?
We look at what’s NOT WORKING in your life- that relationship, or unproductive communication style- and ‘work backwards’ to find out when the pattern started. We do this by seeing what ‘triggers’ you.
Triggers are charged, often unconscious emotional reactions to buried past trauma, experiences or sense memories.
How can you tell what your true story is, if you are stuck in a groundhog moment from your past?
Recognize one trigger this week. Do any of these come up? (A great list from MBG.)
- Someone rejecting you.
- Someone leaving you (or the threat that they will).
- Helplessness over painful situations.
- Someone discounting or ignoring you.
- Someone being unavailable to you.
- Someone giving you a disapproving look.
- Someone blaming or shaming you.
- Someone being judgmental or critical of you.
- Someone being too busy to make time for you.
- Someone not appearing to be happy to see you.
- Someone trying to control you.
- Someone being needy, or trying to smother you.
And then you find yourself having a habitual reaction like, raging, blaming, feeling needy, shutting down, or complying- especially if it seems out of proportion to the incident? That’s a sure sign of a triggering behavior, that is bringing up those helpless and fearful feelings from your past.
- Recognize that you are having an emotional reaction.
- Choose what you want to feel and what you want to do.
Even if you can’t act on it right in that moment. Try it the next time you are in this situation. You will be brining clarity to your self awareness that with time, will allow you to heal your past and transform your future.
Until tomorrow…stay clear!
Susan & Jen
P.S. We would love to help you with today’s challenge.