Day 15: Acting...or Reacting?

Are you in a relationship right now that isn’t working and you don’t know why?

Today’s Challenge:

Let’s create a breakthrough in your communication.

When you hear words like: “You always....” Or “You never...” How do they make you feel?

Defensive or inspired? Do you feel like there is empathy? Or judgement? And when you feel judged…what do you do?

Act or react?

Here’s a mind blower: Your communication comes from your past.

If you react, you might be responding to a trigger (a story from your past put on you by parents, teachers, coaches (even) our culture) that you have adopted as your own story. You are reacting then, from your unconscious mind.

Bring your communication into your consciousness. This process will take work and time, BUT, you can start small, and make a HUGE impact. Here’s how:

Expand your emotional vocabulary for clarity!

First, get that there is a whole ‘color wheel’ of emotions to paint your interactions with. Also get that, even recognizing subtle distinctions in how you REALLY feel (versus how you are triggered to feel in that moment) is a CRITICAL breakthrough in your clarity.

 How to take on Today’s Challenge:

How do you think “You always....” Or “You never...” are making your partner or co-worker feel? How has that been working out for you? What kind of outcomes are you having? What outcomes did you expect to have, that you didn’t? Do you see this is why things aren’t productive and you are you to calling your friends and saying, “it just isn’t working!” with your significant other?

Practice a different way of communicating in one relationship this week.

Think before you speak to your partner. Look at that wheel and see if you can describe to them how that comment REALLY made you feel (PRESSURED versus BAD.) When you and your partner start working with that level of clarity, notice what outcomes are different.

Keep it up and you will experience more fluid, helpful, productive and inspiring communication.

When you can communicate with accuracy and integrity, you improve the quality and consistency of any relationship.

Ask my business partner Jen- we worked on breaking patterns of communication…then I got to marry her and her husband!

Until colorful and...stay clear!


Susan & Jen

P.S. I don't JUST work 1:1...I love working with couples, too! The world needs healthy relationships!