We all long to be loved, to be seen, to be valued…acceptance is what we are looking for. When we are accepted we feel a part of something bigger. We feel doorways opening to us that we didn’t know existed before.” The Spirit of Intimacy: Ancient African Teachings in the Ways of Relationships – Sobonfu Somé
Today the particular doorway that is opening is into a Chinese restaurant. This is the same door that has been opening – and closing– for 34 years of my life. Sometimes I’m opening it. Sometimes he is. And we have both had our share of shutting it– sometimes behind one another, sometimes on one another, sometimes for one another. Sometimes it’s quiet and mutual, when we are thinking, ‘Maybe it will be different next time.’ Sometimes it’s with a slam when one or both of us is thinking, ‘Never again.’
But then here we are again. Sitting in a Chinese restaurant, it’s always Chinese–but it’s been all over the world and today, as we sit here in Los Angeles, the door is open again.
This time my life is good. It’s balanced. This time, among other things, I’m not in a relationship, and as I sit here, I notice that for one of the first times in 34 years, I am tapping into a new and deep knowing that I don’t need to be in one.
Of course sometimes this hasn’t been the case. Sometimes I have been desperate, lonely, needy, angry, or profoundly sad and lost when I find myself at this table again–sitting across from my 34 year always friend, sometimes lover, maybe one day forever person?
That is of course the opening we have always thought we were waiting for, right? The perfect ending to our Love Story?
Sometimes he has had to talk me down after a marriage, tell me I deserve to be respected, remind me who I am, let me see myself reflected back to myself by someone who truly knows me. Someone who has seen me grow, and change, and learn my lessons, or completely blow them, but there is always the me in the center of it all that gets seen and heard.
This time his life is untethered, and uncharted. This time I reminded him that he was more than his work. I listen, and reflect back, and see and here and remind him who he really is. I help steer him back to that place where the ground is a bit steadier. Because we have that BIG question to answer…will it be this time that we are finally standing there together? Is this the ending to our Love Story that we have been waiting for?
Sobonfu has always said we don’t always know why people come together. She says, “When I talk about my relationship, I am always looking for what…the bigger purpose is for me to encounter [with] this person. What does Spirit want me to do here…as much as the human ego would like it to be about us, it’s not about us. It’s about something higher. It’s about trying to bring a gift out into the world. And that’s why we encounter new people. Even if it’s a brief moment or a long term relationship they all have their purpose.”
Today in the Chinese restaurant, as I sit, and listen and see him…I know that once again forever won’t be coming around this time.
We aren’t the people right now who could create a Love relationship that would nurture our Highest Selves. And I know that THAT’S all that I have ever really wanted. For him. And for me. This isn’t forever, but it’s our Love Story.
What a gift our relationship is then. He is not the ‘rest of my life man,’ but he is someone who will always help point me to my purpose.
© 2015 Living Your Gifts l All Rights Reserved. Susan Hough combines experience in traditional mental health, energy work and indigenous wisdom in Intuitive Activation Life Coaching to optimize all the ways healing can happen in your life. To work with Susan visit: Coaching.