Have you ever felt like you were going to die if you gave up on a dream or left someone or something—and at the same time, if you didn’t leave, you felt like you were going to die, as well?
Of course, granted, it’s not only not easy to make the best decision when you are in that situation, it’s almost impossible. You are in fight or flight mode, it’s do or die…or die. And if you are expecting yourself to make that kind of a decision by yourself in that moment, well…how do you think that’s going to work out for you? Yet we do this sort of thing all the time, don’t we?
Three years ago I made a huge life change. I was in the midst of a huge struggle—whether or not to stay in an increasingly toxic marriage—and the struggle had become my normal. I was letting it, by delaying the choice I had to make. I was letting it, by choosing to listen to fear, and not wanting to let go of my expectations. I was letting it, by putting off answering the question I didn’t want to hear myself answer, but couldn’t stop asking myself—what’s really most important for me to do here?
Or maybe I was too afraid, and too tired, too worn out, too out of my body to ask the right me. Not the me who was ashamed of the choices I had made, and who couldn’t see around this corner of the life I was living—but the big me…the capital M, Me, the one who was playing the big game of living as the person I really came here to be.
Luckily, there was another voice that answered for Me.
This is what happened to me.
Spirit woke me up and said loud and clear—today is the day you must change your life.
Many know, but for those who don’t, I was taught 17 years ago, by my friend and mentor, Sobonfu Somé this profound ancient wisdom: you chose the unique purpose—called your GIFT—that you want to bring into the world, and once you are here your community helps you remember, then live it. You actually go into the “Spirit Office” before you are born, and present your plan to your ancestors and guides who bless it. So when you get here, you are not alone, you are, as she says, “backed by powerful forces.”
That’s the Spirit that answered for Me that night.
Marriage is absolutely one of the biggest commitments we make in this life to another person. The question I’m asking myself now is: why don’t we commit to ourselves on that grand of a scale? To the Me, me. To the You, you.
If I can; if you can—and if we are also co-creating our lives with Sprit—we can and will stay on track with who we are supposed to be, and with where we are supposed to be, and doing what the Me, me and the You, you are supposed to be doing (more often.)
Let’s commit to taking our self care up a notch—to be our Highest Self care.
The voice of Spirit—or Source, or God, or the Goddess, or Jesus or Buddha, or your grandmother—comes in many forms.
Sometimes it’s a whisper. Sometimes, it’s in the form of a disease. Before I heard the voice clearly—and acted on it, I had a series of small car crashes. Spirit was hitting me hard, trying to get my attention. Your life is crashing, Susan. How much more of this can you take? Stop right now. Or we will stop You, for You.
When you really think about it, when we are really in the thick of it, thinking and acting and listening with our little me; isn’t that the best time to look back to the Source we came from, to what was blessed for us in the Spirit Office, to those powerful allies who have our spiritual backs? Where else are we supposed to get this level of info that our Me’s need? Can we see ourselves as interdependent instead of independent? That we have these little virtual communities around us all the time—let’s call it your committee—and that that’s the healthy state of a human?
Yes, it was going to be tough to change my life. Where/what was I going to go/do? And how was I going to support myself, and so on and so on.
When I was woken up and told today was the today—hours later, I was in my local real-estate office.
I asked if there was anything to rent…in X range…with a dog. The realtor really didn’t even have to look at her listings before saying….”Sorry, no.” But I asked again, “Are you sure…there isn’t anything?”
Another realtor sitting next to me was putting the phone down, “I just got a phone call. Something is available.” My new place didn’t even go on the market. I had a kind landlord who gave me a reasonable rent…and he allowed my dog. (And if you know where I live, you will get that this is pretty much of a miracle.)
Sometimes Spirit has to get your attention to love You enough - to move You to the next stage of You. If you aren’t nurturing yourself, if you’re not in your body, you might not see the signs. Or like me, you may not want to hear them. Listening to, and trusting Spirit is a transformational muscle. Consider it part of your Highest Self care workout plan. It’s part of that commitment to taking our self care up a notch, to be our Highest Self care. Ashe!
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